1. If you happen to find yourself drunk driving, go as fast as you can. This will reduce the time you have the potential to hurt others.
2. Shoot yourself with smaller bullets and in non-vital places to grow an immunity to bigger bullets.
3. If you are in a heated argument with a woman, try addressing them as royalty. Classic phrases such as "calm down your highness", or "relax, princess" will flatter them and the argument will settle down.
4. Do your plugs keep bending? Try adjusting the plugs with a fork!
5. The term LGBTQ is a real mouthful. Since LGBTQ identifies with a rainbow flag, just call the people who identify as LGBTQ "colored".
6. When starting a company, only hire women. They are 23% cheaper and are just as efficient.
7. If you are caught speeding, stab yourself with any sharp object in the car. Tell the officer you are going to the hospital and he will let you off freely.
8. Is there a hoarder in your life that you want to help? Get them addicted to gambling or drugs! They will sell all their items to feed their addiction.
9. Marry your spouse or groom on a leap day, that way you save money by only getting them a gift every 4 years.
10. If you are in the car while someone else is driving the car (for best results use new or not confident driver), shout "WATCH OUT"! It will keep them on their toes for the rest of the drive.
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